Pussyology


First Comes History


Moses Heston, the Kitty, upon first hearing that
God wanted Moses to lead His cats to freedom.
Moses Heston, the Kitty, upon hearing that God wants him to lead His cats to freedom.


God flew into a rage and inflicted bath upon Moses.
After laughing at God, Moses, the Kitty, is punished with a bath.


Moses ran away and started to hang out with a bad
crowd; he learned some nasty habits & hit rock bottom.
Moses, the Cat, runs away and hangs out with a bad crowd.  He picks up some bad habits and hits rock bottom.


In a 12-Step group, Moses finds redemption. With God's grace,
he recovers. Moses prays for forgiveness for his impertinence.
After laughing at God, Moses, the Kitty, prays for His forgiveness.


Then Moses had a vision of a Burning Bush.

Moses has a vision of a Burning Bush.
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After gazing upon the burning bush, Moses
came down from the mountain transformed.
The Burning Bush transforms Moses Heston, the Kitty.


After the initial glow from the Light of God faded,
something about Moses remained forever changed.
After the Light of God faded, Moses remained a changed cat.


Speaking of transformations, this is Moses' all-but-
forgotten brother, Pelonocchio, after telling a lie.
Pelonocchio, the cat, after telling a lie.


Moses then journeyed to the land of the Cat Herders
where he commanded them to "Let my felines go!"

[Click here to view real-life Cat Herders in action.]
Click this image to watch a video of real-life Cat Herders in action.



God called down ten plagues to support Moses' demands.
Moses found the plague of flies to be the most annoying.
Moses, the cat, found the plague of flies to be the most annoying.


As a kitten, David showed great promise as a Jedi Ninja.  But Yoda was not impressed.


Yoda remained doubtful even as David, the cat, continued to develop his Ninja skills.


"He will wring its neck but without sever-
ing its head from the body." (Leviticus 5:8)
His Jedi training gave David the flexibility of Mister Fantastic.


Purring, David tried to cast himself into the urn: "And since
that time these days are called Purim, that is, of lots: because
Pur, that is, the lot, was cast into the urn." (Esther 9:26)
David's fierce reputation was well urned.


With his Ninja training and the Light of God in his eyes, David Norris was
able to defeat Goliath & ascend to the throne of a unified Pussydom.
With the light of God in his eyes, David Norris defeats Goliath and becomes King of a unified Pussydom.



As it was written, David rode down from the mountain
toward Jerusalem in triumph and glory: "Behold, thy
King cometh unto thee sitting upon an ram" (Felix 21:5)

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David was one tough pussy! Look what happened
when Baby John (the Baptist) tried to baptize him.
King David turns the tables on Baby John, the Baptist.


Just to stay in shape, David found, that every once in
awhile, there was nothing like a little bitch-slapping.
David enjoyed a little bitch-slappin' every now and then.


In complete command of his new kingdom,
David strolls in front of his Republican Guard.
King David the Cat strolling past his Republican Guard.


Hoping that psychoanalysis would free him of his guilt, David
told Sigmund how he murdered Uriah. But God was still pissed.
Ten years of psychoanalysis couldn't rid King David of his guilt.


As a kitty, David's son, Solomon, was daunted by the
expectation that he follow in his father's pawsteps.
As a kitty, David's son, Solomon was daunted by the 
expectation that he follow in his father's pawsteps.


After catching Solomon with his little duckie, David
declared in disgust, "You will always be a Pussy!"
As a kitty, David's son, Solomon plays with his duckie.


Rejected by his dad, but inspired by his dad's love of Jonathan,
Solomon tried desperately to find someone he could hold onto.
Without the love of his mother and father, Solomon started clinging onto anyone he could find.


Solomon went to extremes to hide from his father.
Solomon hid from his father in the toilet.


When hiding failed, he tried to get away in his escape pod.
Solomon even tried to get away in his escape pod.


But his attempt to escape failed and Solomon began practicing
visualization in an attempt to overcome feelings of inadequacy.
Solomon visualized himself as a powerful lion.


Finally, Solomon grew fed up with being called a "Pussy." He turned
on one of his tormentors only to discover that violence thrilled him.
Solomon got fed up with being a ''pussy,'' turned on a tormentor, and discovered that he loves to fight!


In fact, Solomon was a chip off the old block:
With practice, he finally got the hang of it.
Solomon, the Cat, was a chip off David's block.  After 
some practice, he got the hang of this domination thing.


Indeed, the apple didn't fall far from the tree: Solomon
maintained domination of all non-felines in the region.


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But Solomon had no patience for studies or details. He only liked to
strut around and say "I'm the Decider!" The kingdom weakened.
Solomon, the Cat, was a terrible administrator and the Kingdom of Pussydom began to crumble.



He grew fat (28" waist!) and lazy.
Solomon, the Cat, became increasingly irresponsible and grew obese and lazy.



And we mean FAT! Eventually, gravity overcame him. The kingdom grew
weak and the 12 tribes were scattered, falling into slavery as house pets.




Then Comes Theology


Many years later, Pussyangelo I was inspired to create Pussyology.
Pussyangelo prosyletizes to his fellow cats.


But before Pussyangelo's new revelation could take hold and
spread, he had to debunk an ancient, pagan cosmology myth.
Ancient creation cosmologies had to be debunked before Pussyology could spread.


He became the first right-wing, Karmophobic cat to campaign
vigorously for an end to the disgusting practice of Yinyangism.
Until Pussyangelo arrived on the scene, the cats slept with either sex indiscriminately.


Pussyangelo's famous statue depicting the moment of cross-
species transmission of knowledge of God from human to feline.
Pussyangelo's famous statue depicting the moment of cross-species transmission of knowledge of God from human to feline.
[NOTE: Pussyangelo's sculpture shows the human Moses as he was before he grew
the horns that would later be depicted by the copycat sculptor, Michelangelo.]




The first Pope Felini, set himself apart from the other cats with
special clothing. Here he is seen holding court in his new vestments.
The first Feline Pope, Pope Felini, set himself apart from the other cats with special clothing.


With the aid of a canine ghostwriter whose name is lost
to history, the King Felix Version of the Bible is drafted.
King Felix I commissions the King Felix Version of the Bible with the aid of a canine ghostwriter


1530: Wanting a divorce in order to take a new wife,
Henry VIII develops an attitude toward the Pope.
The Cat King, Henry the Eighth, expresses his contempt for the Pope.


1632: Pope Urban dons the new headgear he had made after
someone suggested that he look through Galileo's telescope.
Pope Urban dons the new headgear he had made after it is suggested that he look through Galileo's telescope.


Pussyangelo XI realized there was a need for visual
aids to help his theologically challenged fellow cats.
Pussyangelo's plan to paint the hallway ceiling impresses the other cats.


A small section of Pussyangelo's famous Hallway Ceiling.
Pussyangelo's painting of God reaching out to touch His creation, Adam.


O'Leary accidentally ingests an entheogen, sees the Truth,
is excommunicated, & sentenced to life in prison w/o parole.
Timothy O'Leary, the Cat, overdoses on LSD, sees God, and is sentenced to life in prison.


Before the Rapture, the Book of Revelations,
foretells the coming of the AntiCat.
In the Book of Revelations, the coming of the Antichrist is predicted.


After they refused to convert to Pussyology, Chrislam, the
Suicide Cat Bomber, terrorized the unbelieving humans.
After they fail to convert to Pussyology, Chrislam, the Suicide Cat Bomber, terrorizes the unbelieving humans.


Last Comes Reaction


AtheoDawgins demonstrates the
proper response to religious nonsense.
AtheoDawgins demonstrates the proper response to religious nonsense.


After calming down, AtheoDawgins sets out to invent a solution
to The Cat Delusion, and creates an international bestseller.
AtheoDog Dawkins invents the solution to feline God Delusions.




And if Pussyology is not your Feliology of
choice, consider Family Guy, Peter Griffin's
creation of The First Church of The Fonz.

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And if you're still looking for something to believe in,
Consider Arkleseizure's Creation of the Universe
According to the Jatravartid people of Viltvodle 6


Or you may want to check out
this octopus based religion.
And you may want to check out the World's Fastest Growing Religion, Tarvuism.




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