First Comes History
Moses Heston, the Kitty, upon first hearing that
God wanted Moses to lead His cats to freedom.
God flew into a rage and inflicted bath upon Moses.
Moses ran away and started to hang out with a bad
crowd; he learned some nasty habits & hit rock bottom.
In a 12-Step group, Moses finds redemption. With God's grace,
he recovers. Moses prays for forgiveness for his impertinence.
Then Moses had a vision of a Burning Bush.
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After gazing upon the burning bush, Moses
came down from the mountain transformed.
After the initial glow from the Light of God faded,
something about Moses remained forever changed.
Speaking of transformations, this is Moses' all-but-
forgotten brother, Pelonocchio, after telling a lie.
Moses then journeyed to the land of the Cat Herders
where he commanded them to "Let my felines go!"
[Click here to view real-life Cat Herders in action.]
God called down ten plagues to support Moses' demands.
Moses found the plague of flies to be the most annoying.
"He will wring its neck but without sever-
ing its head from the body." (Leviticus 5:8)
Purring, David tried to cast himself into the urn: "And since
that time these days are called Purim, that is, of lots: because
Pur, that is, the lot, was cast into the urn." (Esther 9:26)
With his Ninja training and the Light of God in his eyes, David Norris was
able to defeat Goliath & ascend to the throne of a unified Pussydom.
As it was written, David rode down from the mountain
toward Jerusalem in triumph and glory: "Behold, thy
King cometh unto thee sitting upon an ram" (Felix 21:5)
Music: "O Give Thanks" by Marc Chopinsky
David was one tough pussy! Look what happened
when Baby John (the Baptist) tried to baptize him.
Just to stay in shape, David found, that every once in
awhile, there was nothing like a little bitch-slapping.
In complete command of his new kingdom,
David strolls in front of his Republican Guard.
Hoping that psychoanalysis would free him of his guilt, David
told Sigmund how he murdered Uriah. But God was still pissed.
As a kitty, David's son, Solomon, was daunted by the
expectation that he follow in his father's pawsteps.
After catching Solomon with his little duckie, David
declared in disgust, "You will always be a Pussy!"
Rejected by his dad, but inspired by his dad's love of Jonathan,
Solomon tried desperately to find someone he could hold onto.
Solomon went to extremes to hide from his father.
When hiding failed, he tried to get away in his escape pod.
But his attempt to escape failed and Solomon began practicing
visualization in an attempt to overcome feelings of inadequacy.
Finally, Solomon grew fed up with being called a "Pussy." He turned
on one of his tormentors only to discover that violence thrilled him.
In fact, Solomon was a chip off the old block:
With practice, he finally got the hang of it.
Indeed, the apple didn't fall far from the tree: Solomon
maintained domination of all non-felines in the region.
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But Solomon had no patience for studies or details. He only liked to
strut around and say "I'm the Decider!" The kingdom weakened.
He grew fat (28" waist!) and lazy.
And we mean FAT! Eventually, gravity overcame him. The kingdom grew
weak and the 12 tribes were scattered, falling into slavery as house pets.
Then Comes Theology
Many years later, Pussyangelo I was inspired to create Pussyology.
But before Pussyangelo's new revelation could take hold and
spread, he had to debunk an ancient, pagan cosmology myth.
He became the first right-wing, Karmophobic cat to campaign
vigorously for an end to the disgusting practice of Yinyangism.
Pussyangelo's famous statue depicting the moment of cross-
species transmission of knowledge of God from human to feline.
[NOTE: Pussyangelo's sculpture shows the human Moses as he was before he grew
the horns that would later be depicted by the copycat sculptor, Michelangelo.]
The first Pope Felini, set himself apart from the other cats with
special clothing. Here he is seen holding court in his new vestments.
With the aid of a canine ghostwriter whose name is lost
to history, the King Felix Version of the Bible is drafted.
1530: Wanting a divorce in order to take a new wife,
Henry VIII develops an attitude toward the Pope.
1632: Pope Urban dons the new headgear he had made after
someone suggested that he look through Galileo's telescope.
Pussyangelo XI realized there was a need for visual
aids to help his theologically challenged fellow cats.
A small section of Pussyangelo's famous Hallway Ceiling.
O'Leary accidentally ingests an entheogen, sees the Truth,
is excommunicated, & sentenced to life in prison w/o parole.
Before the Rapture, the Book of Revelations,
foretells the coming of the AntiCat.
After they refused to convert to Pussyology, Chrislam, the
Suicide Cat Bomber, terrorized the unbelieving humans.
Last Comes Reaction
AtheoDawgins demonstrates the
proper response to religious nonsense.
After calming down, AtheoDawgins sets out to invent a solution
, and creates an international bestseller. The Cat Delusion
A Visionary Mystic & A Yoan Saint
Yo on Katrina, Global Warming & Climate Change
with help from
Jon Stewart, Bill Maher, Al Gore, Will Ferrell,
& Stephen Colbert
summarizes Yoism in 30 seconds!
On The Eyes of God,
The Shroud of Turin,
& Bleeding Statues
The Miracle Links
Astounding Videos of Real Miracles
Truly Amazing Illusions
Video of a Genuine Miracle (with no trick photography!)
Timothy Leary's How to Operate Your Brain An Owner's Manual with a preface by Philosophy Is a Team Sport R. Crumb
Yo on Ebola, SARS, AIDS, & Avian Flu
The Trouble with Trippies South Park "On Hippies"
Does Prayer Work?
The Results of a Scientific Study
Creationism & Intelligent Design
Penn & Teller, Richard Dawkins, Stephen Colbert, Bill Hicks, & Bill Maher
Robert DeNiro & Martin Scorsese On the Meaning of Yo Jon Stewart & The Wombat Join Them
Flying Spaghetti Monster? Bah. Humbug! Creationism & Intelligent Design vs. SPAM
Tom Cruise Takes on Lord Psychopharm and His
Psychiatrists of the Round Tablets