Pussyology


First Comes History


Moses Heston, the Kitty, upon first hearing that
God wanted Moses to lead His cats to freedom.



God flew into a rage and inflicted bath upon Moses.



Moses ran away and started to hang out with a bad
crowd; he learned some nasty habits & hit rock bottom.



In a 12-Step group, Moses finds redemption. With God's grace,
he recovers. Moses prays for forgiveness for his impertinence.



Then Moses had a vision of a Burning Bush.


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After gazing upon the burning bush, Moses
came down from the mountain transformed.



After the initial glow from the Light of God faded,
something about Moses remained forever changed.



Speaking of transformations, this is Moses' all-but-
forgotten brother, Pinocchio, after telling a lie.



Moses then journeyed to the land of the Cat Herders
where he commanded them to "Let my felines go!"

[Click here to view real-life Cat Herders in action.]



God called down ten plagues to support Moses' demands.
Moses found the plague of flies to be the most annoying.









But with the Light of God in his eyes, David Norris was able to
defeat Goliath & ascend to the throne of a unified Pussydom.



David was one tough pussy! Look what happened
when Baby John (the Baptist) tried to baptize him.



Just to stay in shape, David found, that every once in
awhile, there was nothing like a little bitch-slapping.



Hoping that psychoanalysis would free him of his guilt, David
told Sigmund how he murdered Uriah. But God was still pissed.



In complete command of his new kingdom,
David strolls in front of his Republican Guard.



As a kitty, David's son, Solomon, was daunted by the
expectation that he follow in his father's pawsteps.



After catching Solomon with his little duckie, David
declared in disgust, "You will always be a Pussy!"



Solomon went to extremes to hide from his father.



When hiding failed, he tried to get away in his escape pod.



But his attempt to escape failed and Solomon began practicing
visualization in an attempt to overcome feelings of inadequacy.



Finally, Solomon grew fed up with being called a "Pussy." He turned
on one of his tormentors only to discover that violence thrilled him.



In fact, Solomon was a chip off the old block:
With practice, he finally got the hang of it.



Indeed, the apple didn't fall far from the tree: Solomon
maintained domination of all non-felines in the region.


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But Solomon had no patience for studies or details. He only liked to
strut around and say "I'm the Decider!" The kingdom weakened.




He grew fat (28" waist!) and lazy.




And we mean FAT! Eventually, gravity overcame him. The kingdom grew
weak and the 12 tribes were scattered, falling into slavery as house pets.




Then Comes Theology


Many years later, Pussyangelo I was inspired to create Pussyology.



But before Pussyangelo's new revelation could take hold and
spread, he had to debunk an ancient, pagan cosmology myth.



He became the first right-wing, Karmophobic cat to campaign
vigorously for an end to the disgusting practice of Yinyangism.



Pussyangelo's famous statue depicting the moment of cross-
species transmission of knowledge of God from human to feline.

[NOTE: Pussyangelo's sculpture shows the human Moses as he was before he grew
the horns that would later be depicted by the copycat sculptor, Michelangelo.]



The first Pope Felini, set himself apart from the other cats with
special clothing. Here he is seen holding court in his new vestments.



With the aid of a canine ghostwriter whose name is lost
to history, the King Felix Version of the Bible is drafted.



1530: Wanting a divorce in order to take a new wife,
Henry VIII develops an attitude toward the Pope.



1632: Pope Urban dons the new headgear he had made after
someone suggested that he look through Galileo's telescope.



Pussyangelo XI realized there was a need for visual
aids to help his theologically challenged fellow cats.



A small section of Pussyangelo's famous Hallway Ceiling.



O'Leary accidentally ingests an entheogen, sees the Truth,
is excommunicated, & sentenced to life in prison w/o parole.



Before the Rapture, the Book of Revelations,
foretells the coming of the AntiCat.



After they refused to convert to Pussyology, Chrislam, the
Suicide Cat Bomber, terrorized the unbelieving humans.



Last Comes Reaction


AtheoDawgins demonstrates the
proper response to religious nonsense.



After calming down, AtheoDawgins sets out to invent a solution
to The Cat Delusion, and creates an international bestseller.

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